


Eccedentesiast

by Stars_dreaming (orphan_account)



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapping, Protective Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2019-11-19 08:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18133466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Stars_dreaming
Summary: (n.) someone who hides pain behind a smile





	1. sometimes even

**Author's Note:**

> Currently unbeta'd
> 
> My sincere apologies, I tried my best to finish it in a good way but it seems I've rushed it or something just went wrong in the process. This is not at all how I would've liked it to be.

 

The room is cold and dark. 

Your body is pressed into a corner, with your arms tightly wrapped around your legs and your head resting on your knees, letting your hair fall over it, to conceal your face. 

It's silent. Too silent. 

The huge metal door through which they enter is locked in place. You've already tried blasting it out, but it didn't work. 

Your entire body is trembling, and your mind is racing, trying to keep your emotions in place. You want to cry, but your eyes are dry. It's as if they have sucked all the life out of you. 

You close your eyes, pressing your nose against the cloth of your jeans. 

 

* * *

 

_"Wake up love," Tony woke you up with sweet kisses peppered all over your face._

_You giggled and squirmed in his hold but didn't try to break free from his grip for real._

_"Good morning," he said, gazing lovingly at you. You smiled at him._

_"Good morning handsome," you said, and you touched his face._

_"Did you stay up late last night?" He shook his head, leaning down to kiss you softly, lingering a bit longer than intended._

_"No. Bruce sent me up to bed." You chuckled. "Sometimes you're just like a small child that has a curfew." He grinned slyly._

_"How about we make a child that has a curfew?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively, and you breathed in sharply as his cool fingers slipped under the sheets, caressing your thigh._

_"T-tony," you chuckled, "don't you have things to do today?" He smiled and pecked your lips._

_"Nothing is more important than you right now," he said, and then he lifted up the sheets and disappeared entirely under them._

_"Tony!" You said, "Tony- **oh**!" _

 

* * *

 

You snap up from the flashback and look at the metal door that slightly opens. 

"This is her," a deep voice rumbles, and if possible, you shrink even more into the corner of the room. A few men step into the room, and beams of light stream in. They hurt your eyes a bit. 

"Hmm," they say, looking at each other. 

"Y/N Stark, as you requested, gentlemen," a sharp voice continues. "Mutant with the powers to control two elements: fire and air."

You lift your head slightly, furrowing your brows as you look at the men. You don't recognize them at all. 

"Bring her to the lab," one of the men says, "and make sure she doesn't protest." 

"Yes sir!" The deep voice says. "Hail Hydra!" 

Your blood runs cold in your veins. Hydra...

 

* * *

 

_"Hello Peter," you smiled warmly at the kid, "it's good to see you." He grinned, jumping up and down. "It's good to see you too, Mrs. Stark!" He called out excitedly. Behind you, Tony chuckled. "Always the excited one, aren't ya, Pete? How about we let my wife alone, and start working in the lab?"_

_Peter looked at you with a questioning gaze, and you felt your entire body warm to the core. He was so precious. So young. You understood why your husband wanted to take him under his wing._

_"You run along, boys," you said, waving them off, "I'll go spar with Bucky or something. Be sure to come and watch!"_

_They walked to the elevator, while Tony set off in a conversation about nano particles and you turned into the living room, to see the two super soldiers playing Mario Kart on the couch._

_"Bucky," you said, "get Steve off that couch and come spar with me. You need your daily workout." Smirking, you saw your friend push Steve off the couch. Steve grunted, pushing himself off the ground._

_"Come on Stevie. We don't wanna be lazy all day, now don't we?"_

_Steve shot you a glare, and you chuckled._

 

* * *

 

"Let me go!" You grunt, struggling against the hard grips around your arms. 

"Let me go!" 

The men only grin at you. "Now, Mrs. Stark, don't worry. You'll be fine in our hands." 

They put you in a metal chair, and you start struggling again before they make it impossible for you to move. They strap thick metal bands to your ankles and your wrists and put a metal band around your head. You start sweating now, and your eyes shoot from one man to another, anxious for their actions. 

"Now," one of the men steps closer, and takes your chin in his hand. "We just need to make a few changes." He pulls your mouth wide open to inspect it, and you let him, because who knows what they'll do if you don't cooperate?

He touches your tongue, and you pull it away quickly. He doesn't like that, apparently, because he tugs on your tongue, and you wince, because a sharp bolt of pain courses through your mouth. "You got a pretty tongue. How about we take it out?" Your eyes widen visibly as he chuckles darkly and pulls away, letting your tongue go. 

"We'll come to that eventually. But we'll start with something else first." He shares a look with the other men, and then, before you know it, he pulls a cloth over your eyes. Then something heavy is placed on your eyes, and you can't move them anymore. You squirm, wanting to move, but the metal around your wrists and ankles cuts into your skin. You whimper. "Sshh," you hear someone say, and then they open your mouth and place something in. It tastes like rubber. "Now," someone says, "this is going to hurt a bit." 

All of a sudden, you feel something sharp poke at your ear. Oh god... Your entire body begins to shake. "Careful," a sharp voice says. Then the pain shoots through your head. It's immeasurable. Your entire body seizes, and bucks up in the chair, and you scream. 

"Sit down," a sharp voice instructs, and they push you back. Before you know it, they strap a metal band around your waist. You can't go anywhere now. 

"Did that hurt?" Someone whispers into your ear, and that sends jolts of pain through your head. "Too bad," he chuckles, "because this is just the beginning." 

Your screams pierce the air and ring through the entire room as the man slides his small stick into your ear. 

Then your survival instincts kick in, and before you know it, power surges through your veins. 

They curse, and you can feel their hands be drawn away. Your entire body is burning. 

"Calm her down!" Someone yells, and you're gathering up strength to break free from the metal bands when there is a sharp sting in your arm. Someone yelps, and there are more voices, but they all slide to the background as you fall asleep. 

 

* * *

 

_"Hey baby."_

_A soft voice woke you from your nap, and you yawned, getting up in bed. Tony sat on the edge of the bed you usually shared. You smiled at him, but that smile faltered when you saw his serious expression._

_"What's wrong?" You asked, scooting closer. He didn't protest, and so you climbed on his lap and swung your arms around his neck._

_"Tony?" You asked, when he didn't answer. He shook his head. "Hydra is gaining members," he sighed. "They're planning on creating a new weapon. From the intel we could gather, they have their eye set on the Avengers."_

_"But we're strong baby," you stroked his cheek, "we can protect each other, right?"_

_He nodded. "But I'm worried. What if--" you understood his question. "They won't. I'm strong, Tones." He smiled sadly. "And if you get caught, I'll come after you immediately." "My hero," he mumbled against your lips, and you chuckled. "There is a reason for me to work with the Avengers, you know."_

 

* * *

 

You jolt awake in the dark. You're shivering, and slowly, you push yourself up. 

Your head falls against the wall, but there's no sound to be heard. There is still a throbbing pain in your ears, but you suppose it will pass soon enough. 

You close your eyes. When will they find you? 

You open your mouth, and try to say something, but you can't hear anything. Why not? 

Suddenly, you sit up with the startling realization that they did something to you. They must have pierced your ears! 

You try again, and when you realise you can't hear anything, you choke back a sob and push yourself in your little corner. No more waking up to Tony's soft voice in bed. No more hearing Peter excitedly yell your name. No more banter in the kitchens. No more whispered 'I love you' 's in the middle of the night after Tony wakes up from a nightmare. 

You bury your face in between your knees as you shudder. What do you have to do? What can you do?

 

* * *

* * *

 

It takes the Avengers days to locate you, and by the time they do, Tony is on the verge of tears. He already bit his nails off, and his legs hurt from all the pacing he's done. 

What have they done to you by now? Have they been able to coax you to their side? Have they tortured you to the edge of reason? Have they hurt you? 

His thoughts are running non-stop, and he's been awake for more than twenty-seven hours by now. What can he do? How can he save you? 

God, this is all his fault. He groans and puts a hand on his face, scrunching his nose. 

When a warm hand lands on his shoulders, he winces. 

"Calm down, Tony." It's Natasha. He turns to look at her. She looks as bad as he feels, with greasy hair and dark circles under her eyes. 

"We are going to find her. Nick is pulling out all the stops to make sure we can. Friday is putting all her energy into this. Don't give up hope." 

He doesn't want to. He really, really doesn't. But he knows what Hydra's methods and motives are. If they want to change someone, they can. Barnes is an example. 

What if you don't recognize him anymore? What if you attack the others? 

You're one of the strongest Avengers--you can hold your stance against Thor and Bruce combined. 

Natasha gives him a sad smile. "She has a strong mind, Tony," she says, squeezing his shoulder. "They won't break her that easily. And if they do, we will do anything to make sure she comes back again. Okay?" 

He nods, and she nods too. "Alright. Now, let's get you a cup of tea that has no caffeine. You need to sleep." 

 

As soon as Tony is off to bed with Pepper guarding him to make sure he doesn't do anything bad, the other Avengers round up in the living room. They check the files, locations that have already been scanned, and Clint calls Nick again to ask if he has found something. 

Friday beeps in every ten minutes to tell them about the ground she's covered. 

Then, after what feels like an eternity, Friday says: "I found her heat signature." 

Everyone looks up in surprise. Peter, who has joined them by now, looks ready to burst into tears. 

"It's very weak. She's underground. Somewhere in the mountains, I suppose. Manitoulin Island in Canada." 

The Avengers share looks. Natasha gets up from her comfortable seat. "I'm going to wake Tony," she says. "Steve, you give out orders. You know Tony will be led by too much emotions, and as much as I love the guy, that is not a good idea." 

The blond super soldier nods and begins barking out instructions. Everyone looks determined. Y/N is a team member, family even. She needs to be back with them. They are willing to go to the end of the world to get her back.

 

* * *

* * *

 

You can't hear anything. There is only the pressing silence, that seeps into your mind and tries to tear it to pieces. Your tears have long dried, and there is no energy left in your body to do anything. 

The men haven't come back, and you have no idea what time it is. You're starving, and you need something to drink, but there is no water. 

You swallow. What are you going to do? How are you ever going to get out of here? Are you going to get out of here?

Did they forget about you? Did Tony.... You blink away the new tears that burn in your eyes. Tony...

 

* * *

 

_"Hello love," he smiled at you. You didn't look up from the papers you were reading._

_"Y/N?"_

_Now you looked up. "Worried you're not getting enough attention, Mr. Stark?"_

_You smirked. He leaned down to caress your cheek. "Not from my wife, no."_

_His lips touched yours._

_"Well," you said, already getting up, "if that's the case..."_

_He laughed as you started unbuttoning his blouse._

_"I do love you, you know," he said as you pushed him on the bed._ _You smiled._

_"I love you too."_

 

* * *

 

The door opens. You don't only see it; you can hear it too. It is really soft, barely there, but it is still there. At least two percent of your hearing has remained intact. But it still hurts you. Shots of pain jolt through your head as it opens further and reveals a dim light that hurts your eyes when you look at it. 

There are no sounds. 

You look to the ground, because you don't want to see their smiling faces when they take you up again for another round. 

Then, a pair of red boots appear in front of your eyes. You frown. Red boots? With golden streaks? 

That can only be....

You look up, and relief floods through you. You can't stop the tears anymore, and you clamp a hand over your mouth to stop the sobs from coming out. 

Tony smiles widely at you. His mouth moves, but you have no idea what he's saying. Your gaze flickers to his lips and then to his beautiful brown eyes, that are filled with concern. 

He says something. You shake your head, because you still have no idea what he's saying. A look of understanding crosses his face, and he looks perplexed. Now there is only pity in his eyes. But you don't want anyone's pity. You're a strong woman. 

 

When he lifts you up from the ground, everything hurts. You try to stand on your own, leaning on him, but it hurts so much you start crying again. 

He doesn't say a word as he helps you limp out of the cell, into the light. You need to blink a few times before you can make out the forms of the people in front of you. 

You look to your side. Tony says something. 

You look back to the Avengers. Natasha is standing closest to you, and you let go of Tony and limp towards her. 

She catches you in her arms and pulls you tight against her. 

You can feel the eyes on you, but you don't have any energy to answer questions, and so Natasha helps you out of the building. Tony follows close behind you. 

 

When you get out, the blinding light of the sun blinds you. You can't see anything for a few seconds as Natasha leads you over the grass. 

When you can see, you see Clint standing on the ramp of the quinjet. He's looking at you. 

You choke back a sob, and Natasha lets you go when you're standing in front of him. 

He signs:  **You alright?**

You don't know much ASL, but you try your best as you clumsily sign back. 

**I am.**

He doesn't believe you of course, and simply wraps an arm around your waist and guides you into the quinjet. 

 

Bruce is waiting for you inside. 

He puts you down on the table and starts checking you for any bad injuries. 

When he stops by your ears, you can see worry cloud his face. 

He takes a small stick, and you immediately flinch. You know he's not going to hurt you, but god... 

He taps once on your ear, and you let out a scream that you can faintly hear. There is only pain, pain, pain, and you fall to the ground. 

Clint helps you up. He gives you a reassuring look as he puts you back on the table. 

 **It's going to be okay** , he signs.  **We can help.**

That's the only comfort you need before you burst into tears again, and when Tony enters the quinjet to hold your hand, you curl up into his chest. He wraps his arms around you and presses kisses to your hairline. 

His lips lower down to your ear. 

"I love you," he says, and despite the pain that it creates, you smile. 

"I love you too," you say back, even though you can't hear yourself. He responds by wrapping his arms even tighter around. 

 

Tony's arms are home. 

He is safe.


	2. to live is an act

You have never welcomed the sight of the Compound more grateful in your entire life.

Once you step out on the ramp of the jet, you notice the sudden silence. Even though you want to stop walking to take it all in again, Clint and Nat keep walking, supporting you. Your legs feel like pudding and your heart is hurting like hell, but the smile can't be beat off your face when you see Peter standing in the distance. 

Once he spots you, he starts running. You wish you'd have the strength to stand on your feet and wrap your arms around him, but every ounce of energy seems to have seeped out of your body. 

When he nears you, he hesitates. There are tears glistening in his eyes, and he smiles. He mouths something, but it's too quick and you can't understand what he's saying. The things that makes you feel... it makes you want to burst into tears. 

He says something to Clint and Nat, who then carefully let you go. Clint wraps your left arm around Peter's shoulders, and Peters arm wind around your waist to support you. You try to smile at him--offer him the comfort he needs, and you're supposed to give to him--but it doesn't work. Your eyes prickle with unshed tears and you know that you're going to collapse any moment now.

With Peter's strong arms supporting you, you hobble into the Compound, where Rhodey stands with Carol next to him. The two adults start grinning like lunatics once they spot you, and you give them a fake smile, trying to reassure them that it's okay. 

Rhodey says something to Peter, but the boy shakes his head. Peter says something in return, and you can see the two adults frown in the corner of your eye. 

A warm hand lands on your shoulder and you flinch involuntarily. Next to you stands Bruce, who offers you a comforting smile. He says something to the Avengers around you, and then Peter pulls you away from the small group, following Bruce to the hospital wing. 

 

* * *

 

As you sit on the table, the doctor explains what's going on. Clint translates it with his hands.

**Significant hearing damage. Might never heal. Left ear, hearing only seven percent. Right ear, hearing four and a half percent.**

You bury your face in your hands. 

You would give everything you have just to hear Tony say "I love you" one more time. 

To hear Peter laugh. 

To hear Nat and Clint squabble over his dirty socks on their bed. 

To hear Thor and Bruce play a game of cards together. 

To hear her family talk. Laugh. 

 

The tears start coming before you know it, and you try to keep as quiet as you can, wiping the tears away before anyone can see them. But when you catch Tony's worried gaze from across the room, you can't stop them. 

The waterfalls open and you put her hands against your face to hide them, but nobody in the room is fooled. 

Warm arms wrap themselves around you and then you feel warm lips on your temple. It's Tony--you know. You know how he feels, how he smells, how he moves... 

You put your head on his shoulder and open your eyes to see Clint standing in front of you. 

**Good news is that you might heal. Not completely. But half. Or forty percent.**

You try to smile at that, but you still can't. It feels like your whole life has just fallen apart. 

 

* * *

* * *

 

Tony is unsure of what to do. 

He loves you with every fibre of his very being, but he just doesn't know what to do. He wants to help you--reassure you and hug you and whisper in your ear how much he loves you.

But you don't let him. You push him away. 

You don't look at him, you don't respond to his kisses or his hugs, you don't join everyone anymore in the common room, you don't eat dinner with him, you don't laugh with him, you don't sit with him, you don't even sleep in the same bed as him. 

And he knows his fear of you leaving him is irrational--you're dealing with a ton of shit right now and there's honestly not much he can do to help, the others said it too. 

But he can't let it go. 

He wants to solve this for you. And if he could solve it, he would. But he can't. 

 

He hates it. 

 

* * *

* * *

 

Life becomes a boring cycle. 

You wake up, you make breakfast, you read a book. You cry. You cry. You cry. You read a book. You go to bed. You have a nightmare. You go back to sleep in the living room. You wake up again. You make breakfast. And everything repeats itself. 

The nightmares don't get worse. But they also don't get better. 

The pain in your ears become less and sometimes you can hear things, but it's not enough. 

Every Saturday, you visit the doctor in the hospital wing of the Compound. 

Your usual Sunday outings with Wanda and Nat are unattended by you, and after some whining of the two women and a door shut in their faces, they stop asking. 

 

Sometimes you get caught up in the belief that everything around you is a lie. That it was all created by Hydra. 

That this is how they get to you--this is how they make you believe everything is alright and this is how they get all your secrets. 

There is nothing that truly helps. The only thing you try to do is immerge yourself into a world that doesn't exist, to forget all the horrors of the world you're in right now. 

 

* * *

 

_"Y/N? You alright?"_

_You heaved and pushed yourself up from the mat with a sly smirk. "All good here."_

_Nat shot you a grin from the other side of the room, sitting on the bench. Steve rolled his shoulders and prepared himself again. You charged for him, but this time, you took a different approach. Instead of leaping on top of him, you chose to slide down and kick his legs out from under him, prompting him to fall. With a groan and a muttered curse, he dropped to the floor. Instantly, he rolled, and your fist connected with the mat._

_Now he was standing, and you were lying on the ground. But you'd been trained well, and you knew what to do to take out a man a lot stronger, bigger and heavier than you._

_You twisted on the mat and once again kicked him in the shins, causing him to groan and squeeze his eyes shut for a millisecond. Taking advantage of that millisecond, you jumped on him and sent him flying to the ground again. You turned and twisted, so that your arms kept him in a headlock while you stood squatted on the floor behind him._

_He struggled to get out of your hold, but to no avail. From your spot in the gym, you saw Thor standing on the gallery above, discussing something with Bruce. The god grinned down at you like a puppy and waved excitedly. You gave him a quick nod._

_Then, Steve sputtered, "I yield!"_

_You let him go and ruffled his hair before standing up yourself. Nat grinned at you like a madman and in passing, gave you a high-five. Steve had just stood up when she knocked him down again._

_"It's my turn now," the former Russian spy said, and you heard Steve groan as you walked away, taking your bottle of water out of the gym and into the showers._

 

* * *

 

A grin. A face painted red with blood. Bloodshot eyes. A--

Heaving, you shoot upright in bed. Next to you Tony moves. His hand covers your own, squeezing. He mutters something under your breath that you can't understand, and you close your eyes to stop the tears from escaping. 

You will not let them get to you. 

They will not ruin you any further. 

You turn to look at Tony, whose eyes have now fluttered open, and your heart aches for him too, because he still has nightmares. And you're just... here. Not doing anything to help him. 

Roughly, you wipe away your own tears. "I'm sorry," you mouth, although you're unsure if there comes any sound out of your mouth that will form the words he wants to hear. Tony merely reaches up to brush another stray tear away. "Don't," he mouths, and then he pulls you back down on the bed and wraps an arm around your waist, pressing his face in the crook of your neck. 

He kisses your naked skin softly and it still doesn't fail to make you shiver. You curl into him and close your eyes. You will fix this. 

You have to.

 

* * *

 

_"It smells like cookies in here- Tony what are you doing in the kitchen? Baking?!"_

_"Y... Y/N! I didn't expect you back so soon!"_

_The pretty brunet turned away from the oven with wide eyes, his hands in large oven mittens that only Steve regularly used. You pressed a hand to your mouth to stifle your laughter when you saw the streak of flour on his cheek._

_"Tony, Pepper told us explicitly many times to not allow you to bake! The last time you did so you blew up the kitchen!"_

_Wanda passed you and shoved Tony away from the oven with care and looked at the cookies in it. "Oh_ _Малиша_ _," she mumbled. You smiled as Tony pouted and crossed his arms over his chest._

_"I'm going to teach you how to bake from now on," Wanda stated. When she turned and saw you watching, she stumbled over her words as she said, "I... because otherwise he'll destroy the entire Compound and then I won't have a home... and... and... well... I still don't like you!"_

_She stormed away, leaving you and Tony behind on your own in the kitchen._

_"She likes you," you said quietly. Tony nodded with a big smile. "She does."_

_He looked at the oven and his smile dissipated just a little. "I... em... I wanted to surprise you. I know how much you like self-baked goods and all."_

_The corners of your mouth curled up at that. "That's really sweet of you. How about I show you something else to bake while Wanda's gone? I will make sure you won't blow up anything," you said with a wink. Tony's smile widened again._

_"Yes!" He called out. "I mean... yes, I'd like that."_

_Giggling, you took another mitten and opened the oven, revealing slightly blackening cookies._

_"If you can grab the almond flour and..."_

 

* * *

 

It's already late in the morning when you walk into the kitchen in your fitness gear. Stroking a few locks of your hair back behind your ear, you grab the side of the kitchen island for support when you're hit by a sudden dizziness. 

Clint greets you with a light smile.  **Morning** , he signs. You give him a nod back and steal a yoghurt bar from Thor, who in turn gives you a scandalised look, but then starts to laugh. You smile back at him and bite into the bar. Munching on it, you check the fridge for your pasta salad. 

Then, suddenly, you black out. Your hands tremble and even the yoghurt bar seems too heavy in your hands. You drop it on the floor, causing it to break into a hundred tiny pieces. As you stumble back, trying to find your balance again, you reach for something to hold. But your hands find only cold air, and you fall on the ground with a loud groan. 

A sudden darkness overwhelms you. 

 

* * *

 

_"Y/N, I need you in the air. Iron Man, drop in and help her!"_

_Steve sounded distressed on the com, which was something that didn't happen often. Then again, DC wasn't often attacked by a super powerful mutant who appeared to be able to inflict pain on humans just by crawling into their mind space._

_"I'm coming to get you," Tony reported and you looked up from your small spot on a house, seeing a streak of gold and red approaching. You waited five seconds before leaping off the building, just in time for Tony to catch you._

_"What do you need me to do?"_

_"Rain down like hell," Nat said gruffly, shooting several other policemen with tranquilizers._

_"It'll have to do," you sighed, before stretching out your arms and closing your eyes. "Hang on tight everyone. It'll get really hard to breathe in a few seconds."_

_"We're ready," said Clint. Another one of his arrows whistled through the air. "Okay then," you mumbled, taking a deep breath. Then you clenched your hands into fists and drew your arms in, reaching out with your power to take all the air away from this part of the city._

_Most of the policemen and others the mutant was controlling fell to the ground, unconscious. In the corner of your eye, you saw Nat swaying on her feet._

_"Avengers! Round up!"_

_Tony put you down on the ground next to Nat and Clint, and you slowly created a bubble of air around the three of you, giving them enough oxygen to breathe properly again. Nat inhaled deeply, supporting herself on the wreckage of a car._

_Thor landed on the ground next to you and Tony returned with Wanda in his arms._

_"I'm going in now," Steve said. "Y/N?"_

_"I'll be right by your side Cap."_

 

_You joined Steve in walking towards the mutant, who was now lying on the ground, crawling to reach for their weapon._

_"Surrender," Steve said in his Captain America voice, commanding and strong._

_"You..." the mutant rasped, flicking their eyes over to you. And then, in a swift movement, they flicked their hands. Something pushed against your mental borders, and before you knew it, your walls crumbled and you fell to the floor, screaming._

_The pain was raging through you like fire, but unlike normally, you couldn't nullify it in any way. It seemed unstoppable. You doubled over in pain and screamed again, sucking up air all around you. At this rate, you knew, everyone in the city would die of lack of oxygen._

_And then something sharp tore through your stomach. Your scream stopped and you looked at your stomach, where your suit was slowly turning a bloody red. With a single movement, Steve knocked the mutant to the floor with his shield. Then he rushed over to your side and kneeled on the ground beside you._

_"I need evac. **Now**."_

 

* * *

 

When you wake up, you blink a few times to get used to the light shining in your eyes. That's when you find out you're not in your room, but in the medical wing. 

Pushing yourself up in the bed, your eyes trail through the room. They land on Tony's face, who's sleeping in a chair next to your bed. He looks peaceful like that. Nat and Clint are on one of the couches in the room, and Peter is sleeping on a sofa who most definitely doesn't belong in the medical wing of the Compound. 

Your stomach churns at the thought that they're all here for you. 

But in the end, that's what the Avengers do. They stick together when they need each other. And now... now you need them. 

Swallowing the lump in your throat away, you take Tony's hand and squeeze. 

 

For them, you want to try. Maybe it’s time... for you to live again. 


	3. of courage

The doctors arrange for you to undergo surgery to put a cochlear implant inside your ear--in the hopes of making your hearing just slightly better. 

Clint assures you that it's better than having hearing aids and that it might give you the chance of hearing well enough again to not even have to learn sign language. 

You scoff at that--you've already learned ASL in the time that you had while the doctors were trying to come up with a solution for you. 

They give you time to consider, and without telling anyone else about this new development, you fall back into your normal routine. 

You sleep, you have a nightmare, you wake, you make breakfast and you train. Endlessly. With Nat. Clint. Steve. Even Bucky sometimes. But never anybody else. 

Clint turns out to be your favourite.

 

 **I want to take you to SHIELD** , the archer signs one day. You look at him with raised eyebrows.  **Why?**

 **There are people you need to train with** , he signs instead of giving you a straight answer. With a sigh, you give up on inquiring answers. Instead, you follow him outside, where you get to pick your vehicle to go to New York City, where SHIELD is building a new facility for their agents. 

 

In New York City, Clint takes you to old training grounds where several old SHIELD agents still train. 

He introduces you cheerfully to Melinda May and Bobbi Morse, who both also sign language. And Bobbi Morse appears to know a lot of fighting styles, and she's dying to teach them to you. 

 **Being deaf should not affect you in the field** , Melinda signs.  **You need to make sure that it doesn't affect you. Don't let this get the better of you. You are still the same person you were before.**

With a nod, you speed off to jump on the SHIELD agent and tackle her. But Bobbi simply sidesteps and slams her fist into your chest, causing you to gasp and stumble backwards, barely holding yourself up. 

 **Be careful** , Clint signs from the side-line. 

You grimace and stand up, taking a deep breath. 

**Giving up?**

You shoot Bobbi a fiery grin.  **Never.**

 

* * *

 

_"So... Peter Parker, heh?"_

_"He's... a good kid. He's smart and... well..."_

_You chuckled lightly as Tony sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose._

_"He seems like a good kid. He's young and he has potential."_

_Tony now turned to you, the file on the new recon mission long forgotten on the table._

_"Do you think he could be a part of the Avengers?" He sounded hesitant, as if he was considering something but wasn't sure if it was a good idea._

_You smiled reassuringly at him, while placing your hand on his arm. "I think he could be. Once he's an adult."_

_Tony sighed. "He deserves to have a childhood," you said gently. "I think you know that. But you should tell him that. Let him make the choice. He's Spider-Man, after all."_

 

* * *

 

Bobbi becomes a friend. She takes you out for brunch after the training, when Melinda gets called away and Clint is picked up by Nat and Sam for a stealth mission in Nigeria. 

She's kind and funny and seems to have no trouble in teaching you more about things you never knew about. 

You ask her about the implants, and she tells you about her marriage to Clint and how his deafness impacted both their lives. 

Eventually, you admit to her your fears about your own marriage falling apart at the hands of your sudden deafness. Bobbi simply smiles at you and signs that you will get through it. Because you're strong. And Hydra will not break you. Ever. 

 

* * *

 

Wanda helps you research Hydra's methods. 

Nat finds out more information about why they picked you to be their victim. It appears they're trying to tear the Avengers apart from the inside out. They think that if your marriage with Tony falls apart, the Avengers will pick sides, and a fight will begin. Then, they will be able to strike, with the protectors of Earth at their weakest and the people of Earth at their most vulnerable. 

It makes you seethe in anger. 

Hydra does not get to do this. They don't get to toy with your lives, just for one of their silly world domination plans. They don't deserve to see your pain or your anger. 

 

If Hydra strikes with one, you will strike with ten. And if they will strike back with a hundred, the Avengers will strike back with a million. 

 

* * *

 

"Clint?"

"Yeah man?" 

"How do you say, 'I love you' in ASL?"

 

* * *

 

You take the offer for the surgery. 

 

* * *

 

_"Honey-bear!" Tony jumped n Rhodey's arms, laughing as his best friend spun him around. You leaned against the doorframe and crossed your arms over your chest, watching them with a fond smile._

_Rhodey whispered something in Tony's ear, and your fiancé now looked at you with a grin. Rhodey let him go and took few steps forward to reach you. "Y/N," he said warmly, and you wrapped your arms around him to catch him in a firm embrace._

_"You're looking good, Colonel," you said as he let you go. You took a step back and let your eyes scan his new uniform. Rhodey grinned as Tony latched himself onto him, and you watched them leave the room._

_Then a shriek came from the hallway, and Wanda ran into the room, panic in her eyes._

_"Steve set the kitchen on fire!"_

_Your eyes widened and you quickly followed the Sokovian through the hallways, as a burnt smell filled your nostrils. You frowned when you entered the kitchen--the walls white with flour and a small fire on the kitchen island. Steve was running around frantically._

_You hastily grabbed a towel from a rack and threw it on the fire, extinguishing it completely. Satisfied, you turned to Wanda, to tell the woman to get the cleaners. Then Steve stopped and he sighed deeply, now looking at the burnt cake on the kitchen island. "I wanted to make something," he whispered dejectedly, lowering his head. You placed a hand on his shoulder. "We'll get it cleaned up, alright? Nothing bad happened."_

_"I set fire to a cake," the Captain mumbled._

_You couldn't help but laugh a little at the expression on his face._ _"I'll help you make a new one."_

 

* * *

 

_With a sigh, you took Bruce's tea out of one of the cabinets. In the other room, the others were laughing loudly and clinking glasses._

_"Not up to a celebration?" A voice came from behind you, and you turned around, to stare into Peter Parker's inquiring eyes._

_"Not really," you admitted, resisting the urge to put your hand on your stomach. Your eyes suddenly burned with tears, and you turned around once again._

_"Is... is something wrong?"_

_"No!"_

_You immediately turned around to apologize for your behaviour, but Peter simply nodded and left. Sighing again, you filled your mug with hot water._

_Your hand ran over your stomach, searching for a sign of life--there was none, however, considering the blood on the bathroom floor this morning._

 

_"Love?"_ _Tony's voice pulled you out of your mind, and you sighed again, sipping your tea. Or Bruce's, actually. But you were sure Bruce wouldn't really mind if you stole one cup of tea._

_"What's wrong?"_

_His warm arm wound around your waist as he pressed his lips against your temple. "Talk to me. Peter said something was wrong."_

_"I don't really want to talk," you croaked, even though all you wanted was to scream that you had just discovered you were pregnant and then..._

_You closed your eyes to push the thought of your miscarriage out. "I just... I don't know." You sighed again, looking at the cup of tea as if it were holding all the secrets in the universe._

_"I found the pregnancy test."_

_Silence._

_"Jarvis told me about the blood in the bathroom."_

_You turned to him, eyes prickling with tears. "Oh baby," he sighed, and he pressed his forehead against yours._ _"I'm so sorry."_

 

* * *

 

When you wake up, Nat and Clint are by your side. 

You groggily open your eyes and sign for a glass of water, which Nat gives you as quickly as she can. You thank her with a smile as Clint helps you lay back again, comfortably resting against the countless pillows on the hospital bed. 

"You look awful," Clint says, and his voice comes from far away. Still, your ears don't hurt and when you move your head, there is no dizziness hitting you. 

"Clint," you say, and it sounds like a whisper. He gives you a boyish grin, making him look a lot younger than he actually is. "Oh," you say quietly, and then your eyes are brimming with tears. "I can hear you." 

Both your friends hug you with ferocity, and then Nat sits down with her cup of coffee. "How much can you hear?" She inquires. You shrug. "I can hear you... it just seems to come from afar. Like... not really clear... but it's there." 

Tears roll down your cheeks, and your cheeks are not dry for a long time, not even half an hour later, when Tony comes into the room with a bunch of flowers. 

"Hey love," he says, and he kisses your temple. "Tony." His eyes widen in surprise when you pull him back and kiss him right on the lips. 

"Now sweetheart, we'll save that for later, eh?" 

You laugh at his antics and watch him sit down on another seat. 

Then Wanda and Thor come in, smiling widely and their eyes filled with joy. You get hugs and chocolates and flowers from everyone, but all those gifts don't really matter--not when your family is right there by your side. 

 

Thanks to Bobbi, you now know that even without your hearing, it wouldn't be impossible to overcome. 

In the end, the implants don't really matter. The feeling that your family gives you as they surround you with their love matters the most. 

 

* * *

 

 **I love you** , Tony signs two nights later, when you're back in your own bed. 

Giggling, you kiss him, turning him over so you can straddle his waist.  **I love you** , he signs again. 

"I love you too," you sigh, and he laughs when you start tickling him. 

 

Hearing his laughter resound in your ears is coming home. 


End file.
